Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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