I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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