I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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