I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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