Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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