Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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