he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
