While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
