dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize