So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
