i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
