Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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