A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
