You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
