I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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