So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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