I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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