I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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