Yo dont text me then not text me
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
