He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
