Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
