we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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