There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
