new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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