I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
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