Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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