Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
