super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
