remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize