I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
there was a trapeze. enough said
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize
