What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize