Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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