I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
