You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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