ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
