i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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