if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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