Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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