you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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