I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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