this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
