I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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