Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
third nipple confirmed
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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