OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I have feelings that need drinking.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
