Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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