every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
