I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
So squirting runs in the family.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
