drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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