yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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