Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
