Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
