just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
