dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize