He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
