she kept yelling 'call me bella'
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
