New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Let's get the cat blown out
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
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