Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
