i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize