she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
