Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
tonight lets celebrate not being married
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
