the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
