I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
