oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Say something about gay babies.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
