guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
