best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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