At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
